


Believe

by wanderer765



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8176154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderer765/pseuds/wanderer765
Summary: Barry has a hard time fully accepting that Iris loves and wants to be with him. (This is sort of an AU I guess, because I don't think Barry would actually have this much trouble. I live for angst though, so that's what this was born from.)





	

Iris couldn't quite figure it out. They were together now, boyfriend and girlfriend. They were supposed to be happy and completely in love. But she couldn't help but feel Barry was being a little distant.

At first she thought maybe it was due to everything he'd been through. Him trying to reconcile, once again, the decision he'd made to live with both of his parents gone. She'd respected it, understood how hard it must've been for him, even though he knew it was the right choice to make.

But it'd been over a month now since he'd been back and although he seemed ok, told her he was ok, it felt like he wasn't letting her all the way in.

They saw each other every day, whether it was her stopping by at CCPD or helping at Star Labs. But she yearned for alone time with him, which seemed to only happen once or twice a week. She would suggest hanging out almost every night, but he'd often say he was too tired or that he had work or that there Flash things that he needed to do.

All she wanted was to be with him. Maybe going back...or maybe coming back, had changed him more than she'd thought. Maybe he didn't love her as much as he once had.

She walked into his lab, Big Belly Burger in hand.

"Hey you," she said softly.

He turned and smiled at her, standing to offer her a hello.

He bent down to kiss her when she reached him. When they pulled apart she studied his face. Watched how his eyes stayed closed longer than hers, how he seemed to get lost in her and it frustrated her. How could he react like this to her touch but still be keeping her at arms length?

"Is this for me?"

She held the bag of food out to him and nodded her head.

"But in exchange, I need something from you."

He studied her face for a moment before grabbing the bag from her hand.

"Anything for you."

She breathed out slowly, bringing her hands together in front of her. She gestured for him to sit, finding her own place to sit on the edge of his desk.

"I know that we promised to always be honest with each other and talk things through...that you said you wouldn't hide things from me anymore. But...I can't help but feel like you're hiding something from me."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Iris, I'm not hiding anything from you, I promise."

"Ok...then why are you always making excuses not to be alone with me?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

His voice sounded more offended than he actually looked. He looked like he'd been caught.

"I can see it, even now in your reaction. What's going on Bear?"

"What's going on is that it you're accusing me of keeping things from you when I'm not."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and pushed his chair back to put some space between them. They both stayed silent for a minute.

"I have a lot of tests I need to run that I'm behind on...so I don't really have time to argue right now.

I'll catch up with you later, ok?"

She looked at him and hoped he could see the tears rimming her eyes. Hoped that he could see that he was hurting her and would want to fix it.

"Right," she said moving herself off of his desk.

She looked at him, but he kept his eyes down, so she turned and left.

He lifted his head to watch her leave, a heavy sigh making his body sink further into his chair.

He could feel himself pushing her away, almost unconsciously. He didn't know why it was so hard for him to accept that she loved him and wanted to be with him.

Maybe it was all the missed opportunities in their past that were haunting him, all the almost's. All the times it felt like he was her second choice. His heart knew that he wasn't, but his head liked to play tricks on him. Make him believe that this wouldn't last. That them being together was in fact too good to be true. Like he'd wake up in the morning and she'd be back in the arms of someone else.

It wasn't fair to her though and he knew it.

He'd tell her tonight. Go to her and bare his soul. Tell her all his worries and hang ups and hope that she could forgive him for not being honest...again.

\---------

It was just before 10pm when she heard a knock on her door. She put her glass of red down on her coffee table and walked to her door.

She placed a hand on the knob and rested her forehead against the door.

She could hear his heartbeat, even with a barrier between them.

She took a deep breathe and turned the knob.

"Hey," she said, willing herself not to cry at the sight of him. Wishing that he'd wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be ok. That they would always be ok.

"Hey...

...umm mind if I come in?"

She moved to the side, making room for him to come in.

He looked her up and down as she closed the door, standing in front of it. She was wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. She looked so sweet and snuggly, despite the obvious worry and hurt in her eyes. He wanted so badly to hold her, but instead turned and sat on one side of her couch.

She walked over and resumed her spot in front of her laptop and wine glass. She pulled on the 'much too long for her' arms of her sweatshirt and hid her hands inside. Maybe to hide her nervous fidgeting, he assumed. She didn't say a word, just watched him.

"You were right earlier...in my lab."

"Oh?" she said.

She took a shaky breathe in and waited for him to continue.

"I haven't been completely honest with you and how I'm feeling. And I wish I had some brave excuse but I don't. The truth is...I've been scared.

I've tried to move forward with you, because it's what I want, more than anything. It's what I've always wanted. But part of me, a bigger part of me than I was willing to admit before now, has been so caught up and living in the past."

She brought her knees to her chest and rested her chin on her knees.

"Being with you, finally being with you like this, it feels too good to be true. I keep waiting to wake up. I find myself doubting this place and time that I'm in. I keep waiting for you to pull away when I go to kiss you. For you to look at me and not know me when I tell you I love you.

And then there are other times when I find myself doubting _you_. Like you're lying about wanting me because you feel bad for me or some stupid thing like that.

And I hate myself for it because you've never once doubted me. I hate myself because I can see that I'm hurting you."

She wipes a tear away, bringing her legs to the floor and scoots closer to him.

"I don't know what to say or do differently to make you believe me Barry but I do love you. I'm madly and deeply in love with you."

She brings her hand to his face.

"You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and all I want to do is lighten the load for you, but I don't know how to do that if you can't believe in us. This should be the easy part, right?

I promise you, this is real. What we have is real, so real that it scares me too. It scares me how much I need you. I've never needed anything so much...can't you feel that? I'm right here Barry and I'm not going anywhere.

It breaks my heart that you don't trust my feelings for you."

She lets her hand fall from his face and moves away from him.

"I'm sorry...I hate seeing you so upset. I'm just so used to everything that makes me happy, everything that I love being taken away from me. I'm afraid to let myself give into this completely only for something to rip it away."

"Barry you can't live like that. You can't. Life keeps moving whether we want it to or not. Good things are gonna happen and bad things are gonna happen, whether we want them to or not. But we do have some control. You can choose this. You can choose me, choose us, choose love and I promise you, you'll forget about all the what ifs and maybes because I'll be there to help you let go.

I love you, I love you, I love you."

She leans her body forward and wraps her arms around his neck, holding him so tightly it's as if she's trying to squeeze out all his insecurities, all his doubts. She just about knocks the wind out of him.

She's too much. It's impossible that someone so strong and loving and beautiful and perfect could love him so much, and be so unfaltering in that love.

"I'm sorry that I'm like this. I promise to try and be better- for you. You deserve someone who believes in you and trusts you, always. I know I was like that once upon a time, as your best friend. I wanna be that for you as your boyfriend too."

She pulls back just enough so that she can kiss him. It's hard and wanting but gentle at the same time. And when they break apart he does the same thing he did earlier, keeps his eyes closed a few moments after they've broken apart, but this time he smiles. Like it's finally clicked for him. He's finally accepting that this is real. She is real. They are real and it fills him so completely in that moment that he can actually feel himself get lighter. The weight of doubt being lifted off of him.

"I think you're magic."

His eyes open to meet hers and she tilts her head at him.

"What?"

"I think you're magic. You have this way of making everything better in an instant. Even when we were kids. The night I came to stay with you and Joe and you reached your hand out to me. I didn't hurt anymore in that moment.

You're magic."

She smiles shyly at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't open up to you earlier Iris, I hope you can forgive me."

She holds his face in her hands again and she kisses him.

"I won't leave you, ok?" she whispers on his lips.

This time he watches her, the way her eyes stay closed as she leans her forehead against his. The way her heart is beating. The way her breath draws in and out as she holds onto him, and he believes her.

He lets himself believe her.

 


End file.
